Go Hokies!

Vexxarr is flying Hokie colors in tribute to those who lived and those who died in Virginia. No links for contributions. I think all the Hokie spirit has asked at present is a little time and a little respect.

Done and done.

Something Must Be Wrong!

Not really...

No.

The IRS Stole Your Comic

Yes, I am preparing my taxes. Expect a comic soon...but not today. I feel your moral outrage. Direct it here. I'll have three comics up this week. Possibly starting tomorrow. If not, I promise it will be in color...or something.

I'm 40

That's right, I am eight years older than I ever imagined I would be. At 40 I can now start codgering with relative impunity. So now when I rant about some petty indiscretion - imagined or real - I can now add "back in my day" or "when I was young" or the ever popular "kids these days". Think I'm being silly? In fifteen years, I get my AARP card.

Put THAT in your LAN party and invite it to team chat.

Let me assure you, I'm not exaggerating my age in an effort to reduce the duration of my ongoing pledge to you. In fact - as of the typing of this missive - there are (so far) no outwardly visible signs of my advancing decrepitude. More than once my youthful appearance has been described as "creepy" by those younger than 25 - an admonition that I believe underscored the veracity of their appraisal. Maybe by nightfall my visage with wither and droop like the unlucky Dorian after his encounter with an enraged art critic. Or I might play some Halo. Both have equal likelihood of coming to pass.

Well...Halo has a slight lead should Diet Code Red be introduced in any significant volume.

So...

1) I'm 40.

2) I owe three strips come tomorrow.

3) I have three scripts written so...give me half a day here and I'll see what I can do.

Too Good To Last.

Friday's Vexxarr will post Sunday-ish. Monday's will be on time. Unscheduled road trip will keep me away from my cybernetic life support pod until Saturday evening. I'll let you know when and if I survive this trip into the meat-space wilderness of the American Southeast (Florida).

Till then, relish the wacky new perspective.

April Fools and the day after

Yes, your recent foray into the BWW (Bleen Wide Web) was indeed my April fools jolly at your expense. It took me less than an hour and it was the best I could do on short notice. To further exacerbate things - by which I mean you - I left it up all day toady because some of you don't get Vexxarr at home on the weekends.

So.

I hope you enjoyed being confused by it as much as I enjoyed confusing you. Which is to say quite a bit.

Look, a new comic. I have more. I shall post them.

Back To The Work At Hand

OK, so I purchased a new CX5000 by EPSON. It's a printer/scanner combo. It set me back $87 US. On sale, it was the best deal in stores by far.

When shopping for an interim scanner, I was leery of purchasing another EPSON product given their penchant for overt racketeering and consumer fraud with awareness and malice a forehand. EPSON is a dishonest and corrupt violator of the consumer trust. They are a dishonest company. After the number of class-action lawsuits they have had to endure, you would think that they might take a hint.

Yet after I install and power-up my new printer/scanner I find a disturbing problem. If you don't install the ink, it won't scan. Think about that. Epson makes the most expensive inkjet ink bar none. It uses six discreet $14 US cartridges. If they are empty or absent, you can't scan.

I am going to use this CX5000 for a week, drive over with my car, then mail the pieces back to EPSON along with a coupon for a free McDonald's cheeseburger. After that, I'll be using a new wide-format, flat-bed scanner, likely from UMAX once again. Although hp has some nice ones too.

Oh, new comic.

Enjoy.

It is like I'm being PHYSICALLY BARRED from doing the comic

Well, day five. No sleep. Still belching forth endless revisions. No end in sight. Did I forget something?

Yes, my scanner just gave up the ghost. What did I expect after 14 years?

Anyway, when I go out to FedEx these DVDs to some soulless cretin in California, I'll pop into Walmart (I guess) and buy the least expensive single sheet scanner money can buy. After this storm of abuse subsides then I'll go buy a proper one. One that has a platen wider than 81/2 by 11. Attention scanner-making-type-folks some of us use scanners for things other than IRS audits, ok?

In terms of writing and inking, I'm on schedule... I just need the human race to piss off for four hours so I can get up to date...

Not you of course. You have a lovely speaking voice...

Blame Apple

I will owe you guys three entire strips come Monday. As my fight with Steve Jobs has destroyed 60 otherwise perfectly functional hours of my life my Sunday looks like the day I will use to serve my other clients who have been made to yield at the behest of my eco-conscious benefactor.

None the less, three strips I owe and by GOD three strip you will have! If I have to bend the very laws of causality to make them I will bring them down to you as by Apollo with thunder!

And hopefully mine will be a tad more amusing than the stench of a thousand lightning-charred corpses. But that is a matter entirely of personal taste.

Oh, go see The 300. That is not a suggestion.

Mac = Toy

OK, let's get one thing straight about me and Macs. I own an Apple assembled dual 2.5Ghz G5. Further I freelance as an editor and as such am specifically familiar with about ten other G5's around Birmingham Alabama. Some of those G5's were home assembled. Others assembled by video post houses some by Apple Computers. I can say with some authority that I know the G5 architecture and OSX pretty well. After staying awake all night trying to track down a 'strangely missing file' problem for about the third time, I have come to the following conclusion. A Mac is a toy.

Let me clarify. A Toy is something which offers hours of amusement. Something that helps build and strengthen the imagination. Something that performs or behaves differently with each subsequent use. It is this last sentence fragment that I am expounding upon this morning.

Macs do something different each and every time you use them. they are unpredictable. they are given to wild flights of fancy. Let's take the horrors of this past evening as an example.

I had a rather long Mpeg 2 export que for my current project. Wholly eight fifteen minute videos with accompanying aif (or aiff if it's a Tuesday) audio files. I cue up the sequences and set them to render. After babysitting the first two segments (sometimes Final Cut will abort a render claiming that the project in question has unrendered video especially when there is in fact NO unrendered video and only a reboot can satisfy its lust for chaos and human misery) I was reasonably satisfied that all eight were going to go down so I went to the gym. I come back after working out and a trip to Walmart at 2 a.m. only to find that the render que aborted just moments after I left the house. Fine. I que up the remaining six and take a three hour nap (based on the estimated completion time). I awaken to find that all eight have rendered successfully.

Ok, here it gets fun. Although the files rendered, they are not in the project folder. I check the export settings to be sure I sent them to the correct folder and lo, I have! Still no files in the export folder. Odd. I try to do a file search.

OK, here even the most brain-washed and zombified Mac purest probably just grimaced because they know as do I that Mac OSX HAS NO file search function. At least not one bound to any natural law. You see, Mac doesn't have file types per se...it has kinds. And file kinds aren't strictly bound to any specific trait or application. In fact, you can have file kinds that contadict the file extension and you can have two identical file types (mpeg 2, for example) which are identified as different file kinds by OSX. Even though - and I can't make too fine a point about this - both individual kinds are opened and run by the same application. An mpeg 2 may be called by OSX an 'MPEG MOVIE' or an 'MP2' or an 'M2V' or an 'Mpeg LAYER 2' file. All run in Final Cut. All are the same type of file. All were created by the batch export of Final Cut Pro using the same settings.

OK, suppose now you want to search for said file. And keep in mind that it could be anywhere. It could be nowhere. Yet when I searched for 'MPEG MOVIE' it only returned a handful of files even though I knew of directories with literally hundreds of 'MPEG MOVIE' files in them.

Now don't send me an email telling me to check which drives were selected or to make sure I had spelled MPEG correctly. You should simply assume - as is actually the case - that as unto a God, I was operating infallibly at this point.

And while I'm at it, 'MPEG MOVIE' while being OSX's favorite kind of mpeg 2 is NOT in the pull down menu in the search by kind option. Oh no, you must ENTER that kind by hand - even though - and I hasten to add - making DVDs is supposed to be what owning a Mac is all about.

Ok, to summarize:

1) file types and kinds may or may not be different things...unless they are the same things...unless maybe they aren't or may or may not be...depending.

2) search function may or may not return the file of type or kind or flavor or spin or what have you even if you know the evil thing to be there and in a particular folder eating ice cream at that very moment.

3) file search engine actually asks you to enter the kind by hand rather than having the complete list of kinds which the operating system knows damn well exists in a handy pull down menu.

Clear enough? So I use the file search utility to try to find every mp2, mpeg 2 m2v and 'MPEG MOVIE' file on my drives and it won't even pull up all the files that I know and can verify to be there. Hell, it sometimes pulls up three of a total of four 'MPEG MOVIE' files which all reside in the same folder. I have to assume that there is some form of random number generator attached to the file search utility. maybe it rolls for activation on each file. Hell, I dunno. Suffice to say that hit-or-miss literally describes the process at work here.

Fine.

So the damn operating system is going to be no help. What next? Re-render. I must simply re-render these files for a second time. Fine. Group select...settings...quality...destination folder...export. "Error: a file of the same name already exists in that directory"

What?

I look in the folder. Nope. Those files are not there. Export. "Error: a file of the same name already exists in that directory" I rechecked everything and soon discovered that the ghosts or phantoms of those files somehow existed in that folder although they could be perceived in no human way. A reboot did not help. Diskwarrior did not help. Ultimately, I had to render the new files into a new directory and copy them into the proper directory overwriting the old files (yes, a dialog box open asking me to confirm this) which could be neither seen nor touched by human hand.

OK, by now I'm actually shopping Amazon.com for the exact weight and length of bat to take with me to Seattle for a face to face with Mr. Jobs. I've been awake for 30 hours. I have had files evaporate, move, take on vague aspects and generally not cooperate. All this and I'm on a Mac. Worse, this isn't localized to MY Mac. Crap like this happens on every G5 I use, operate or borrow. My fellow video slaves all report similar stories: files vanish, renders abort, drives fail to mount. Yet why do we stay with Final Cut Pro? Because Macs are more reliable.

See in Apple parlance reliability is all about the operating system. So long as OSX doesn't go into kernel panic, it is considered more reliable than Windows. I can't remember the last time a file went missing in Windows. I can't remember the last time I had a file vanish from a folder (in front of my very eyes no less) just because. I can't remember the last time I had a Windows 2000 application (program) hang or (poof!) unexpectedly quit. Yes my Windows 2000 box does get the odd blue screen of death but never when I use it. I will comeback to it after hours of neglect only to find the blue screen staring back at me as if to say 'your absence has driven me to this sad state'. But Windows 2000 does not simply delete files just to piss me off. No, that is the soul bailiwick of Apple.

So even though I put up with an operating system that can, on occasion, go belly up for no good reason with Windows. I much prefer that injustice to the actual obfuscation, corruption and deletion of my life's blood (files). Look, I like the look and feel of brushed metal as much as the next guy. I obviously felt strong enough about the power and sophistication of a Mac to shell out nearly four thousand dollars to own one. But I will not accept the pandering, fawning, exaggeration and outright lies put forth by the Mac community. Your fecal matter also has an oder most foul (as this last 64-point OSX mega security patch can attest). OSX has a lot of repair work coming to it and I'd like to see Apple provide more than its usual best effort to the problem. That is before Leopard drops and all of us G5 users find ourselves left once again out in the cold. Unless of course we choose to buy yet another four thousand dollar machine from Apple.

Driving All Night

Yes, I drove to Auburn Alabama (1 and 1/2 hours) last night to hand deliver a video to a client. It seems that FedEx stops taking drop-offs at 7:00 pm. So I drove the DVD to Auburn myself. I drove very fast. I slept very little. Now I'm updating the Auntie Litter project for a turnaround tonight. Vexxarr? HA! You'll be lucky if I complete this BLOG!

The good news is that believe it or not, this new cake story line is a fertile garden for punchlines. I have silly ideas lined up and ready to go. Coming up with the joke (such as it is) is always the difficult part. I have to tell a story. I have to set up a joke. I have to get to the prestige, if you will, at the forth panel. Further, the punchline must meet my litmus test: it must make me giggle.

A dreadful meter, I assure you.

So while I have a mosaic of words which pass my mirthometer (merth ah mi ter - with an accent on the second syllable) I have no time with which to render them. When I get that time, I will sleep. After I sleep I will create your comic.

When I die, I will rest...and woe be to the God or Gods foolish enough to awaken me for my eternal life on that day...

St Patties Day!

Shamrocks are green. Ireland is green. Vexxarr is green! It's a natural! So do I give you a St Patty's Day spacial comic? No... Do I wish I had? Yes... Sorry. I'll have to post a post-St. Patties Day Piece of artwork just to appease my conscience! I'll see what I can do!

As Promised...For Those Of You With Long Memories...

Ok, remember that timeI told you that Vexxarr would be late?

Right.

Let me be more specific.

Remember when Vexxarr was late. And I told you this was because I was building a castle? And remember that I added the fact that said castle would be detonated?

Well here are the photos:

The castle is assembled from cut bricks of green florist's foam - aka GREEN DEATH FOAM (not to be confused with YELLOW DEATH FOAM but that is a matter for a later post).

Here is a view from the back. I'll only be sculpting what the camera will see. Well, to be honest, given that this is a favor and on short notice, I'm actually dictating the camera angle by how much castle I am willing to sculpt. A tactic only advisable when the director is a friend of yours.

This is the finished model armature. I begin sculpting here. The foam is rigid but soft. I use a #2 philips head screw driver to etch the rock details in the foam surface. I'm wearing a resperator and surgical gloves. This stuff is nasty.

Here is the thing sculpted and primered. To be added: individual rock coloring and a door.

Another angle because I love you so dearly.

Here is the castle primered, painted and with it's door. The door is a sculpted piece of foam with two eye hooks used as knockers. Note my photo reference in the lower right. The castle is quite accurate save for some proportion fiddling I did to make the number of foam blocks I had add up to a castle in as few cuts as possible.

Here we are on the moors of Scotland... Well no, it's my front yard facing away from my driveway...

That's me (in green) next to an unsuspecting castle (in gray). This is 247 miles East of my home. To get the castle to this spot, I had to cut it off of its base, cut it into three large sections and lay each section flat in my hatchback. You'd never know it...

Now we add explosives...

And viola'!



Our plucky assistant holding six days of my life.

I hope this is a lesson to all of you who want to get into miniature effects. I recommend instead a life of sex and alcohol. In the end, you'll have more to show for it. This from a guy who draws a webcomic for 'fun'...

Catching Up

At least I've started to get my work done on the requisite calendar day.

My schedule is beginning to ease but, alas, I am still gainfully employed. I find myself even in the position of turning work away!

Irony or Ironies!

So expect future delays. expect three comics a week. Expect my punchlines to become even more verbose. Perhapses I will start making the images (even) smaller...

A New Vexxarr Soon...But Not Now...

I warned you of the horrific nature of my labors. I warned you about its toll on my free time. I warned you about littering.

Well I have sublimated your Friday's Vexxarr almost entirely with Auntie Litter. I will do what I can to rectify this sad event within this solar day.

Should I fail, check back tomorrow.

In any event, heed my pledge to you that you will have a triumvirate of amusement each and ( I hardly need add) every week from now until the sun explodes.

Vexxarr's continued existence beyond that catastrophic event depends entirely upon your donation of a fast ship...

...of the interstellar variety.

What kind of internet connection will they have, I wonder, on Proxima.

Vexxii, Being The Plural Of Vexxarr

Two new strips. Behold and wonder. I'll be working this week on the thirteenth labor of Heracles - The Editing of Auntie Litter's Educational PBS Series.

Never heard of it? That's because Herc passed on this one. Clefting the skulls of Hydra is one thing. Updating sing-a-longs for 4-year-olds-and-up is quite another. Come to that, Sisyphus got off easy.

I did...and then I couldn't!

Yes, I had Friday's comic all toasted and covered in a creamy frosting when I discovered that my host was taking his .0001% downtime for server refreshment. So Here is Friday's. I like it. I hope you do. For those of you who asked...THIS is fan service. But I'd been promising a glimpse back at Earth and Bleen for some time. Just a taste of things to come.

I have plans you see...

This week promises to be another busy one so expect the same update schedule - that is to say an average of three strips every week. They will come in a steady supply should you view the activity from a macro perspective. Just know that in my trusty archive, so long as the internet exists, there will ever be a hyper link on each M, W, and F of every week.

That is my pact to you dear reader.

Enjoy.

By the way, I am languishing in a dearth of comments about the FOSS wrap up. No quips about the Mead or the COBB? Honestly!

Caught up...almost.

I have posted new offerings for you. I will have tomorrows offering up...tomorrow. Understand that when I get behind like this I sacrifice sleep for Vexxarr. This is actually a good thing because with enough sleep deprivation, I can actually SEE Vexxarr. And he is just about as grumpy as I am.

So, car spot shot in the spaceship cockpit housed in my garage.

Airs in three cities.

I get to watch an ad writer get his inner geek on as he is suited up in one of my space suits and placed before the camera.

How does the other half live, anyway?

Late Friday and Monday

What's up:

I'm doing a series of car spots. I've already been to Huntsville and back. Now for reasons I can't adequately explain, I have to refurbish the cockpit of the Matilda. What is the Matilda you ask? The Matilda is a spaceship from my epoch science fiction film, Zero Prospect. Well, against all reason, the cockpit of the Matilda is being resurrected for a car spot. Yeah, I know...I tried to tell them. Anyway, I'm up to my armpits in common cellar spiders and hot glue. When I awaken from a fatigue induced coma, I'll deliver two artfully crafted Vexxarrs.

This isn't Real Life. When I miss a day...you get that comic back with interest. And maybe those castle pictures I promised you...

Mythbusters: The parody - HELP ME!

OK, my roommate and I shot a Mythbusters parody as part of the "You Spoof Discovery contest". We entered it into the discovery spoof contest and promptly forgot about it. Well apparently we were picked up and now our video is on the Discovery.com website. It's called "Mythbusters: Death of the Mythterns" and is currently #5 in its division. It needs to be #1.

This is where YOU come in.

Go now - NOW - to Discovery.com and look at all the videos showing there. Pick your favorite one. Then no matter which one that may be, VOTE FOR OURS.

Vote early and vote often.

Friday's strip, if you hadn't guessed will be a tad late. I had problems with my Windows 98 box which runs my Umax Visa S8 scanner. Further, I had a shoot in Huntsville for a Mazda dealership...

It's up again and I'll have a strip done by tomorrow. For now, take the Mythbusters parody as Friday's offering. I'll have another installment of the FOSS saga up by Midday Saturday.

Sorry...

Friday's is ready but not ready...you know?

We had a huge power failure here in Birmingham Alabama last night. I am told that it is due to a sub-station failure. Knowing my fellow Birminghamite as I due, I suspect goats were involved.

Anyway, a new strip has been pinned and is almost ready to scan. I'm currently trying to get my various PCs and Macs to rebound from their trama and as soon as I do, the new Vexx will be delivered forthwith.

And as it involves a bit of fan service, I think you will like it.

Why So Late?

The simple reason is that these Foss pastiche strips take a lot of time. I'm sure that you e-artists out there could run circles around me but I'm spending upwards from two hours per panel on these Chris Foss send-ups.

The complex reason is that I have also been finishing three projects which JUST WOULDN'T DIE. One was for a client who attended a conference who's media needs were being provided by an organization who shall remain nameless.

Now to say that this nameless company is inept would be a grave insult to inept persons the world over. Suffice to say that any media organization that cannot play back a Quicktime movie, nominally encoded, either within a Power Point presentation or as a stand-alone clip, needs to leave the industry. They just aren't doing the world any favors by taking its money. Add to this a general malaise over avi encoding, DivX codecs and a general unwillingness to use a telephone and we have a real danger to the US economy here.

I further had to finish a three-hour-long seminar on DVD and a smaller project for a real estate client and I just wound up slipping further and further behind.

Fear not, I'm caught up and I have the next several strips in various states of completion for your future reading pleasure.

I would also like to add that I have enjoyed the spontaneous fan mail I have received recently. I love the occasional reminder that my efforts are meeting with your educated approval and that, of course, you are in fact out there.

Friday Three-fer!

There. Three comics. It's 5:20am. God, what a week. I'm going to bed.

I'll Be Honest...

Looks like another two-fer for Wednesday. I just finished the Alabama Partners for Clean Air presentation video and I still have to paint the castle (pictures forthcoming). I drive to Atlanta tomorrow and blow the damn thing up on film. Hoorah...

I'll likely get a comic done by tomorrow but I'm not sure when I can upload the thing. Then there is always the issue of font rebellion...

So.

No comic tonight. Likely two on Wednesday and as always, three by Friday. ALWAYS three by Friday. If I ever skip a comic entirely, take shelter in your basement. It simply means that the dust cloud hasn't hit your side of the planet yet.

Behold! The Comic For Today!

And Wednesday's for those of you keeping score. I hope that today the joke is finally clear. As a fan of vintage sci-fi artwork, I just couldn't resist. In the next few strips, expect some burned midnight oil. This premise is all about the painstaking detail. But fear not, there is a punchline in the works. May I live to deliver it...

Late Vexxarr but a Vexxar None The Less!

Vexxarr is coming, I promise. But today, I must first build a castle from florist foam to be blow up! Ah...it's weird to be me...

New Vexxarr A-Comin'

But I need more time.

Just finishing another DVD project with five hours of source video. Currently I'm navigating the byzantine interface of Soundtrack Pro from Apple. Honestly - It's a good piece of software with a terrible interface. It is written by Apple and bundled with Final Cut Pro 5 (HD) yet shares none - NONE - of the click and drag functionality you expect from Apple. It includes, follows and embodies all (every one of) the aspects and pitfalls Mac users decry when using a PC. If you own Soundtrack Pro, why don't you take a little time to whine at Apple for essentially giving up on their much vaunted commitment to the user experience?

Truthfully, with Soundtrack Pro, Apple just gave up and went home early.

It bears repeating, however that it is quite effective at filtering noise and enhancing bad audio. It just makes you collect your wages in blood.

Pat Roberston Gifted With Astounding Grasp Of The Obvious!

And he has a way with vaguery as well...

It seems that Our buddy Pat has made some predictions about the coming year. He believes that God has warned him about a killing - possibly large or not - that would be directed at the US - possibly on US soil or not - and might involve a large number of people - unless it doesn't.

This from the genius that predicted heath care reform would pass Congress and warned us that "some kind of storm" would most certainly hit US soil on the East cost.

Astounding...

He later went on to predict a rather satisfying bowel movement...although he declined to reveal for whom...

Coming back to life.

Vexxarr is back on schedule...that is two or more strips provided at once and weak excuses for my lapse.

Enjoy.

I hope you all have happy new years and that you decide to share your new year's fortunes with me in my print shop(pe)!

Merry New Year!

Hitch in the Vexxarr schedule

OK, I owe you two as of right now. I'll have three on Sunday if that's what it takes. I have some work conflicts at the moment and there seems no way around the problem. I'll keep you guys posted and I apologize about the lack of news Wednesday.

Hope all of your various and sundry holiday endeavors are proceeding to plan!

Two Vexxarrs coming today...

One in the can, the other shortly so. No sooner did I get back from Thomasville when I was saddled with a 100 DVD duplication order with revisions. I'm in lable hell right now. AND I've been up since yesterday. AND I'm starting to feel sick. But dammit, a new Vexxarr you want and a new Vexxarr(s) you shall have!

If it weren't for the money I wouldn't do this to myself.

But that, of course, goes without saying.

Wednesday's comic will post Thursday...

Basically, I have been in Orlando shooting more exciting car spots.

Whee...

Now I face a trek to Thomasville for more of the same. I find myself in the unusual position of having done the Strip for Wednesday but not being able to administrate from the road. No, I don't have a laptop.

So I figure you guys, having NO self control, would rather have a late comic (Thursday am) than having them both now.

Sheese... I'd hate to be the one hiding YOUR Christmas presents. I bet you check the dog with an orthoscope...

Anyway...new comic Thursday and A new comic Friday.

Sorry for the wonky schedule but...alas, I must make the monies...

Early Friday Comic!

You can choose to read it today...or delay gratification until tomorrow. I leave the choice entirely in your hands.

Some of you have complained that I haven't posted a good rant in awhile. SOme of you have restricted your issue with my ability to rant at all.

The absence of ranting is due largely to my busy schedule...a fragment of which has forced me to post a Friday comic before Friday has officially commenced.

I will be in Orlando slaving away on automotive matters for those of you keeping score at home. Toyota will be the victim of my ham-fisted camera work this time. We are driving. God help me.

But if it is a rant you want...then a rant you shall have.

Cingular...just say no. They do NOT have the least dropped calls of any provider. From my experience, dropped calls are something they seem to mass produce with some enthusiasm. This however is beside my actual point.

My actual point is that after a year of dropped calls and dead calls with nine bars showing, I have decided to switch to T-Mobile. Don't know if they are any better, I just know that for my plan they are cheaper...and the simply can't be worse. That is to say, they have not actively begun killing their subscribers.

To my knowledge.

Anyway. My beef with Cingular center around the fact that my woes seem to be a result of a defective phone. It was defective out of the box. Now I have 30 days to return my phone should it prove to be defective. The proof, however lies solely in the act of a Cingular representative saying "Yes, your phone is defective. Send it back."

Well for more than eight months, every tech support person I could reach told me that the phone was fine and that my misery was a result of technology integration with the recently acquired AT&T equipment.

They stuck with this story for eight months. Now, they claim that no such area trouble ever existed and that the problem is and has been with my phone...all along. Conveniently after my warranty expired. Keep in mind that I called these folks once a month on average and that Cingular acknowledges that I have had issues for eight months.

At first, they were going to sell me a new phone as I had lost the option to swap units after the first thirty days. I did succeed in convincing them to send me a new one, free of charge, because I asked for a new one repeatedly and was told over and over again - essentially - "no."

So I get the phone. I call in to switch the service to the new phone (and chip). The person (I assume) who "helped" me was almost completely incapable of:

1) Understanding that I simply needed to switch this new handset to my existing service.
2) Understanding that I was given a new chip with the phone which needed to be activated.
3) Understanding that Nokia phones CANNOT transfer all of your precious, precious address book info from one handset to another (another long, sad tail).

and finally

4) Calling me back to complete the transaction. Ever.

So it is that I decided "enough" and wanted out of Cingular. As I have some months left on my two year contract, they insist that I pay out the remaining $90 (USD) to leave the contract. My position is that I have NOT had reliable service from Cingular at any time in recent memory (a point they do not dispute) and that if anything, after I provided the tech support on my own to diagnose the problem and coerce them into agreeing with me that they should drop the $90 (USD) charge and call it even.

On this point, they conceded.

However, should I opt to drop the account and simply close out my bill amicably, they will refuse (their word - not mine) to allow my number to transfer to another company (such as T-Mobile). So I must choose between getting $90 (USD) back or keeping my business number.

Look folks, I'm paying the $90 (USD) I'm switching to T-Mobile. I'm counting myself lucky. What I would like to happen is that people call their cell providers more often. Let's not accept marginal service. Let's switch providers when they refuse to give us the tech support we pay for. Yes, we eat a few bucks in the process but as in my case, paying the $90 (USD) today will mean that I save money in just three months of service. If anyone else out there has Cingular, I'd like to know what YOUR experience is or was.

If anyone out there works for Cingular, I'd love some silverware from their cafeteria.

Just so I could say I got something from them...you know?

A spoon would be nice.

Still Behind Schedule...

So a new Vexx tomorrow (Thursday). Sorry for the schedule. Crazy work and forgotten deadlines. Also I was shooting Tuesday on one of those thankless jobs that make you question your sanity...and your day rate.

My pledge

*A WEEK* that's three strips a week. Dear God I would be bleeding from my eyeballs if I did three strips a day...

Very Late Strip...

Sorry about the late post for Friday... I had a strip all written and was well on to inking when I just felt that it was "sub par". So I'm now having to rethink a few things. New strip tonight...not to worry. And A new strip Monday as well. Just had a little bump in the creative process.

My vow again for those just joining us: I will have three new strips a day until the day I die. And rest assured that will be a very, very long time from now.

Think you want a PS3? Better stay in school...

The signs were there. You saw them. I saw them. Yet we held out hope that the Sony PS3 MIGHT be a game system and not he frantic death spasm of a huge media conglomerate in its final days. As we are beginning to piece together this morning, the PS3 launch is shaping up to be something of a letdown. We have fewer units offered worldwide than even the reduced number Sony actually promised. Apparently fewer than 400,000 shipped to the US. Many of the units sold here were bought by so-called system flippers, hoping to sell their new (if not shiny) Playstations for literally $15,000 on Ebay. As of this update, over 10,000 units were available for auction.

(*edit* think I'm kidding? Check this out. And This.)

Add to this an HDMI issue that leaves owners on non-720p ready televisions looking at 480p resolution (or worse, blank screens). Also note that very few if any PS2 and PS1 games actually function on the new system with audio. Worse still, most of the launch titles seem to be unfinished or at the very least finished hurriedly and one wonders why anyone would line up on a rainy night for this system.

In fact, at $600 US are we really talking about a next-generation system in the first place? By my way of thinking, a next-gen system has two major components: One, a tremendous leap in the quality, duration and complexity of game play and Two, an offering at a price comparable to previous consoles (allowing of course for inflation). Price is a big deal. Sony could have produced the PS3 ten years ago if it felt the public were willing to pay nearly $20,000 US per unit to own one. Would that have truly been a next-gen system? Perhaps what makes a nex-gen system next-gen is that the technology has matured and become affordable to the average gamer. I wouldn’t call a multi-million dollar combat flight simulation system a next-gen system simply because it has superior graphics and sound.

So where does profit fit into this scenario? Sony is officially losing around $300 per unit. The logic of this arrangement is that Sony makes money per license and sometimes per unit on games sold for the PS3. Yet with fewer than 500,000 units sold worldwide, how does any game developer make money? If you assume that any game will only sell to about half of all system owners, at this point any game stands to sell at a maximum around 250,000 units worldwide. At $60 US a pop, there is no way to make a return on your estimated $15,000,000 US investment in that title. At this point, there is no way that enough PS3 consumers can materialize to keep developers working on PS3 titles. Even if Sony manages to produce one million units by Christmas (which they assuredly will not), developers are likely not going to get a title into the black before third quarter 2007. Where is the incentive as a game designer in that market?

None of this should come as a shock to us. None of this came as a shock to me. All anyone had to do was add the numbers. With an average game costing $4,000,000 to $20,000,000 US to develop you start to realize that you need to be selling in a market with well over 100 million informed buyers to make any money. With obvious exceptions like Halo and Final Fantasy, most titles are going to appeal to about one in ten consumers on a particular system. From that pool many if not most will wait for the price drop or resell market before acquiring a title. Granted, yes, retailers actually buy the titles and retailers bear the risk of sales or languishing overstock but the developers still have to move a staggering number of units simply to break even.

Let's not even address how one goes about buying a game after laying down over $700 US after sales tax...

So I ask again - why would you pour millions of dollars into a title - especially in the final months before launch - when it has become abundantly clear that the console for which you are developing will simply not exist in the numbers necessary for you to stay in business? Perhaps the answer is that you would not. Perhaps the answer is that you would cut corners. Perhaps the answer is that you would be sure to make that title available for the PC as well. Either way, you know there is a very large risk associated with putting in the kind of resources necessary to make a very polished final product.


Final analysis - I'm not going to call the PS3 a failure. Likely firmware patches will address if not remove all the technical issues associated with the unit at launch. Games, of course, are always a bit anemic at launch. Every system has its stinkers. What I am trying to stress (and what it has become clear that Nintendo already knows) is that being the next top-end system may not be the wisest way to win over a market. Clearly those who own the new PS3 are pleased with their purchase. What I am saying is that Sony may have (once again) pushed the basic cost of doing business so close to the limit of what the market will bear that there simply may not be any margin for profit.

At all.

And all it took was a Bachelors of Science in Economics to tell me that there might not be a long, robust future in purchasing the PS3 at launch. So, want not to be burned by this decade's next 3DO? Stay in school kids.

Any Wikkipedia Gurus Out There?

I have created a Wiki topic under webcomics on wikipedia.

Help?

A Bounty Of Vexxarr!

First of all, check out the cool cameo over at The Whiteboard - a polarbear / paintball comic artfully drawn by "Doc's Machine".

Thanks to gamachinist of our forums for pointing that out!

Two new comics and something special. The new comics are in the archives on their appropriate days. Just click back to read them...if you dare!

NUCLEAR TEST!

As promised...

Big news!

First...

New comic! On time-ish!

Second, I would like to take this opportunity to announce to my readers and indeed the world that I, Hunter Cressall, will test a nuclear device . Due to mounting global pressure and the recent test by North Korea (of an absurdly primitive nuclear device), I feel that for the safety of my household, my Star Wars action figures and my socks I must procure and test my own nuclear device.

I would also like to add that I am much taller and far more attractive than Kim Jong-il and can kick his ass at Dr Mario up and down Pyongyang.

Look for updates soon...

Make Good

Behold a new comic. Behold TWO new comics!

Bwaaa Haa Haa Haa Haaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

I am humbled...

You guys are great...I mean really. Thanks for the support on the RRS front. As I receive your emails and instructions I begin to realize exactly how little grasp of this simple matter I really have. I'll likely wind up just asking someone to do this for me. It could be YOU so be ready. I'm just so confused at this point that it makes me feel my age...

OK, late Vexxarr but what else is new? He's coming AND there will be both a Wednesday and a Friday Vexxarr as always (you should no my no wimp out policy by now). When you peruse my archives (as I know some of you have been - I've been watching you) please note that there are three blue numbers in every damn week of every damn month since I launched this sucker.

So it shall remain.

So thanks! You guys are really teh bomb. I'll have an RSS up shortly and then I'll whine at you about searchable archives! And about that foreign shipping issue in my Print Shoppe...I'm just going to let these babies go at a single rate. I'll update the page.

Later.

After I give you today's Vexxarr.

With the bloody stumps of my fingers...

RSS FEED! Who can help me?

I need help setting up an RSS FEED. If someone could walk me through the process I'd be really grateful. I'd mail them a print! I'd credit them or offer a link. Just drop me a line here or the above email link.

Thanks in advance!

Data safe. Vexxarr Safe. Hunter Poor.

The cost of being a sole proprietorship I guess. Apart from the abysmal grammar of yesterday's whine, all things ended well. New strip Monday (mine - not yours Australia). I think I may actually turn my upstairs TiVo-like PC into a server. I can keep a JBOD on it and just back my data up from the ravenous Mac to the relatively serene PC environment. As I said before, I'd never want to edit on a PC professionally but I'd never run a Mac server. It's like using a lion as a sheepdog.

Or a Tiger, maybe...

Drive down! Vexxarr late!

It's not what you think. It's worse. My work drive is sick. I'm desperately trying to move data from my LaCie Big Disk onto a new Big Disk I just acquired for this very purpose. It's a slow and tense process. I'll have Vexxarr up tonight...

See, I do Vexx on a PC. PC's chew up operating systems. Mac's chew up drives. It's just one of those things you have to deal with as a Mac owner. Problem is, when your OS goes belly up. Assuming you've instituted safeguards like multiple hard drives in your PC, none of your data goes away. When your hard drives are constantly under the barrage of needless internal data management like in say...a Mac. Well, you're screwed.

So...

If I can keep my old LaCie alive long enough to x-fer 460GB of my life, blood and tears to my new LaCie. I'll be in the clear. You know, I just had an idea: Maybe I should use a PC as a server and backup for my Mac data. See cuz on a PC when you aren't using the drive...the computer isn't using it either.

Are you listening Apple?

Print Shoppe Works!

* EDIT *

Remember that each print comes with a paragraph from me explaining exactly "...just what the hell I was thinking..." at the time I drew the strip. That alone should be worth the roughly ten US bucks.

* EDIT *

I have early confirmation that everything works as promised through Paypal. While it is not necessary to have a Paypal account, it does make things easier.

My only word of warning, it is NOT necessary to become a "verified" Paypal member nor should you. This involves giving them permission to make bank drafts directly from your checking account. Don't do it. The only complaints I find about Paypal center around incorrect bank drafts and Paypal's sluggishness to investigate and correct these matters. All Paypal needs is a credit card and should an unverified charge be levied to your card, you can challenge the charge and most likely, considering Paypal's past, your card will side with YOU.

Anyway, the payment button is safe. I get none of your credit information. I do get your request, your order number and your address. So if you buy a print, it will arrive at your door via post. Original artwork works the same way but I need an email with your order number so that I draw Vexxarr in exactly the sort of nighty you had in mind.

So buy my prints.

Print Shoppe Open!

It is!

Some clarification first:

Ok, Paypal doesn't offer a demo walkthrough for the vendor (me) to examine the experience of the buyer (you). So I don't know what to expect. What it should do is ask (1) for your address, ask for (2) the date and title(s) of the comics you want and give you (3) a unique numeric identifier.

At the end of your purchase, I ask you to email me through the link provided and send me all that info as well. If you include the time you made the purchase, I'll have no trouble pairing you up with your purchase even if you don't have a unique numeric identifier. Either way, if you email me, I'll send out a print. No questions asked.

I would also like you guys to share the experience with me so that I can make it better.

Don't be confused by the six options. It boils down to this:

2 options for a print: domestic and foreign
2 options for a colorized print: domestic and foreign
2 options for original artwork: domestic and foreign

Yes, I will update all the black and whit archives with the colorized artwork. So yes, eventually you won't have to pay me to colorize a print. Why am I charging you to have my archives colorized? Someone has to do it. And if you don't pay me to, let's face it, I'll simply never get around to it. If you pay me 10 to 14 US dollars, I'll feel OBLIGATED to color them. Eventually they'll all be in color and a nicer dither pattern and the colorize option will go the way of the Dodo.

If you hate your artwork, I'll offer a make-good at least once. If you really hate your artwork, I may offer my wrath. Or a cookie. Depending.

So buy my artwork and I'll eventually quit my dayjob and pump out happy alien goodness seven days a week.

Really.

New Comic! New Store!

T-shirts?

No....not quite yet. But almost as good. Prints and cards suitable for framing. Original artwork by request. Naked images of Sploorfix. Heady stuff, I assure you. But if this does well, T-shirts will not be far behind. It's called seed money.

I'm setting up the account and it will go live soon. I had planned it to go live today...but work precluded any such rash action. See, you guys need to subsidize my work so I can dish out the Vexx 24/7. Believe me, If I could draw Vexxarr full time, you guys would get a new strip 24/7/365. I mean that.

So new comic. And a new blending option in photoshop. People have asked me why I do not post a tutorial on the creation of the Vexxarr strip. I always answer...because no one wants to see sequential jpegs of a grown man weeping at a drafting table.

And so it is true...

That was a rough week...

And I get one day off then turn it around again. More work. More comics. More Diet Code Red.

None of this should concern you. What it SHOULD do is compel you to click the web comic list banner and leave them a piece of my mind on the Vexxarr page there. Heck, maybe you should sign up and vote for Vexxarr!

So far I haven't asked for donations or even offered T-shirts...so far. The very thought of banner ads makes me ever so slightly ill. So all I dream about at night are new comments in the community BB or on the webcomicslist to make my inner child squeal. It really does squeal.

Most annoying.

Anyway enjoy the banner week of comic goodness and look forward to another...

...banner week of comic goodness.

There will be a Friday Vexxarr

*EDIT*
A Late Friday strip is in the works! Hopefully those in the US will see it before leaving work today! Those of you across the globe...not so much!
*EDIT*

And as always it will be late. I picked up some work this week. A lot of work. And those of you familiar with my chosen career - please try to respect he restraining order and keep out of my bushes...

For those of you less familiar with my job - and therefore my shrubs - I'm a freelance video production entity. I shoot, direct, produce, edit...basically I'm an A/V whore. And this week my Johns have been banging at the door. But you know this because I hear you outside my window. Anyway, I've edited two long format projects, shot a commercial and retagged some PSA's I did about a year ago. Am I complaining? No. This means cash. But I am telling you guys that while I have pledged to do three strips a week until every proton in this universe decays...you may actually have to see a few decay before I give you all three strips.

In short...late Friday strip...but it's on the way.

Sorry for the long-winded and equally pitiful excuse...but I'm punchy.

Spiders.

Better, but tired.

And I still find time to spin you another comic.

Where is my thanks?

Anyway, I can't say I plan to make a habit out of yesterday's offering. But if the moment moves me...I may give in to the mood. And for those who asked...I did indeed pen that missive myself. It's accessible through the archive page. I'm not sure if I'll make it available as a strip in continuity...as it were.

Well today marks the return to story. And I still plan to update Wednesday and Friday.

Who loves ya' Babe?

Still Sick...

But recovering. Note the new comic. It cost me six years of my life. I hope you're happy...

Lots of news on the homefront. Many of you have wondered why there is no Vexxarr store yet. I can say with confidence that the store is almost ready. I simply had to reconcile aligning myself with a force I had previously relegated to the shadow realm. Not the cool, sexy shadow realm...the other one.

Anyway, keep an eye on this spot. And try not to keep your expectations too high...

Sick, Tired and Recovering...

To say it has been a long weekend would be to call Michael Bay a bad director. Now I have a fever and a sinus infection to show for my efforts. To this end, Monday's is delivered unto the masses and Wednesday's has been written, drawn and scanned. As it is 3:21am where I draw oxygen, I'm going to sleep and THEN color, letter and upload Wednesday's. It's worth the wait I promise...and it features yet another silicone life form.

Hummer Thinks You are A Moron

In a recent commercial, Hummer proclaims with the sort of manic exuberance that only exists in psychotic episodes that the Hummer "midsize" H3 attains an "amazing" 20mpg. Imagine, after a hurricane degrades much of the US gasoline refinery capacity and a leaky pipeline cuts off at least 5.oo% of our domestic crude oil production, General Motors actually rejoices in the production of a passenger vehicle that gets worse gas mileage than most civil utility vehicles.

I haven't driven many 5-ton trucks that got less than 20mpg. When I think of 20mpg and below, I tend to think of something a little less agile than a four wheel drive vehicle.

I wish companies like General Motors would stop paying huge creative agencies millions of dollars only to be told "People are stoopid...tell them anything!"

Hey Rick Wagoner! the Emperor is naked! ...and he's FAT!

Friday Come And Gone

And here I sit languishing, Vexxless, while another godless QuickTime renders for another godless client. Such is the life of a freelance video professional.

While I'm venting otherwise unblemished spleen for the benefit of those few readers who have not yet turned away in disgust at my tardiness...let's talk Macs again, shall we?

Those of you who read this comic (and the subset of you who scroll down to discover that there is actually a BLOG attached to it) will know by now how I feel about Macs. I can sum up the breadth and depth of my emotional totality with regards to the Macintosh computer in one sentence: They are computers.

They hold no special magic, they perform no special tasks. In a world of silicone thralls each bound to our every whim regardless of how vile or base. Macs rate a perfect 5 on a cosmic scale of 1 to 10. That is to say they exist.

To further bring this implacable truth to blinding light of public consciousness I wish to relate my afternoon's experience.

Now, if I were to bring you a woe-laden tale of sudden hardware failure what word would first leap to mind? PC? Dell? Windows? And if I also mentioned that my computer had been running fine when suddenly is simply froze and refused to reboot what would your impression be? If I added the fact that after that crash and reboot, my computer was unable to see the MONITORS - the stinking monitors! Instead, all my files, drives and documents were clumped together on the NTSC monitor to the right of my setup. Visiting the settings showed that my computer not only had forgotten that it was attached to two perfectly good flat-screen LCD's but had in fact FORGOTTEN WHAT THEY WERE? What would you think? An HP pavilion running Windows M E?

No, if you hadn't realized by now, I was using my Mac dual 2.5 ghz monster G5 with 2gigs of RAM. I started the day with several sequential lock-ups resulting in a persistent boot condition which left the VGA monitors dark and wanting. Solution? Well, this is a Mac we're talking about. As with most problems, there is no fix. Mac simply won't give you access to the tools you need to address the problem. The button USUALLY found on the settings windows, "detect displays" was mysteriously missing. Unplugging the Blackmagic capture card did nothing to help. In the end, I reached into the off-monitor void with my mouse and was eventually able to retrieve my finder. With that, I was able to open my Preferences folder and start trashing my Mac system preferences until my computer eventually forgot that it had forgotten it had two LCD VGA monitors. On THAT reboot, I got my monitors back.

Now let's be clear here - I never solved the issue. I never even understood what the issue WAS apart from wanting to kick my Mac. So I want all those Mac and OSX apologists out there to take note - to date all of my PC bug experiences ended with a long learning curve, a deeper understanding of the operating system and ultimately a fixed computer. All my Mac bug experiences ended either with trashed preferences or the guy at the Mac store telling me the motherboard had died and charging me $800. Yet I bought one of these beasts for my very own and watched it repay my offer of home and family with pain and mental torture.

That guy at Cult Of The Mac is welcome to keep drinking his iCoolaid. Me, I'm still waiting for machine that runs as well as it's slavish proponents wish it did...

Friday update

Vexxarr will likely post a tad late Friday...although you never know. I was really impressed that I got two comics up Tuesday for this week. I'm on location with a job right now and I'll be getting back home just about the time Friday's comic should post. I'm not making any predictions...but I bet I choose sleep over a Friday update when I get back. Vexxarr will post later this Friday afternoon but for those of you who know me...that is no surprise.

Still, I bet I post before Gabe and Tycho...which is a bit like betting on the house in Vegas.

Late...again...sorry.

I'm running to Atlanta to shoot a car dealer. Regretably, I'll be using a camera.

With Beta SP - the dead format that wouldn't die.

[See, Sony decided that it was time to end the dominance of the Beta SP format - partly due to it's attempt to promote the vastly superior and vastly more expensive Digibeta and partly due to the fact that Sony was no longer the largest manufacturer of SP cameras and tape stock. So Sony declaired Beta SP dead and they announced the end of support for SP products. This lasted about six months. Today Beta SP remains one of the most common video formats for commercials and long format video world-wide. Digibeta died a lingering and expensive death - despite the fact that it really was all that and a bag of uncompressed 10 bit full component chips.]

By The way...I just moved my last anti-Sony rant to the rants section. I think I'll just delete the above...

Where was I?

Oh yes. Vexxarr will post in the evening tomorrow. Fear not, it is written and inked already. I just need time to scan, color and post it. And a new Vexx ontime Friday.

Huzza!

On time...who knew?

Yes, behold Friday's strip delivered at the very stroke of midnight Friday...or would that still be Thursday?

Whatever. As far as I am concerned, it's still lunch if it's the second meal you eat no matter what time of day that meal gets eaten.

So here it is the beginning of the end of the Tac-To-Bot storyline. I have to say, I've enjoyed this little arc even if it has seemed a tad trite at times. I like the idea of robots building robots to defend their masters only to have THOSE robots turn on their masters and eventually...them. I also liked the idea that building a new race of robots was pretty much the only solution to any given problem that these machines could imagine. I also enjoyed the carnivore teething on Vexxarr as a running gag. I'm a sucker for a good running gag...if such a thing even exists. I Dunno, it doesn't take much to amuse me.

I'd like to give a belated thanks to Doc and the mammals over at The White Board a superlative in the annals of paintball humor. He was kind enough to link me and give me an honest and friendly review. I can say that no one in my limited experience draws a polar bear as well as Doc. Few men have tried. Catch his comic if you can. Be sure to read the making of page.

Late Monday Update but Monday will Update!

Having computer issues that will necessitate a late Monday update (4pm US Central Time).

For the benefit of my new readers, I'll repeat the Vexxarr Policy:

Three Updates a week. Always. Even if that means three strips on Friday.

Since Vexxarr launched, I have added three new strips a week - almost always on Mon, Wed and Fri. As long as I am alive, Vexxarr will update three times a week and I'll let you know if I plan to be late (now if I DON'T plan to be late...).

Anyway, you get the picture. I'm not going to start updating sporadically then seldom then not at all. Vexxarr is a fixture and will have a new comic up usually before Scott Kurtz and almost always before Penny Arcade. Not bragging, just quoting past performance.

Thank you for choosing Vexxarr and please tell your friends!

Friday! New Comic! New Questions!

Wow! I asked for feedback on my thewebcomicslist account and boy you guys fell over yourselves making me look like an actual artist!

SO I look at my stats for the day and see another 7000 new hits of mystery traffic. Maybe Penny Arcade had an erroneous link to me in their 'extras' area

I have no idea.

So to fix this sad state of affairs...I have another request of you. Please tell me how the heck you found my modest webcomic and why you persist in reading my dronings day after day after day...

It would certainly end my idle speculation that I am the definitive herald of the end of Western Civilization.

Feedback Needed!

Over at The WebComicsKnittingCirleAndWeeklyRotaryMeetingAndList I have a profile. That profile offers a pithy synopsis and some sample strips. It also has a place for comments/reviews. An empty space for comments and reviews. A very, very empty space. A void. A void you have not bothered to fill.

So.

Go fill it. I don't care what you say. But in case you haven't taken the hint. Click this link.

Early update!

Due to being out late tonight, I will update Friday's strip before midnight. I know that this doesn't make up for all the times I've made you wait for a fresh Vexxarr but at least it's something.

And for those of you who sit at your computer hitting the refresh bar until a new comic pops up...seek help.

Clarifications.

No, not about Macs... Their ads are misleading and as a whole, false.

My clarification lies in the fact that I when I meant a new comic for the 4th of July, I meant that while'st my friends would be exploding ordnance and eating pork, I would be crafting a fresh, new Vexxarr...which - YES - would actually post on Wednesday, the 5th. As for something special, wait just another day or two. I dare say that the special thing is for ME but it is on the way...have no doubt.

New comic for Monday!

And there will be a comic on/for the 4th of July. For those of you playing at home, the forth is a holiday of some note in the States.

OK, I am being asked about my position on the "new" Mac spots running here in the states. I did send Apple an email saying that their current campaign made them and all Mac users (myself included) look like arrogant pricks and it made me want to lie to people when they asked what I edit on.

I will say that these ads are so out of date that they border on slander. Let's address them shall we?

PC: "I have a ton of manuals to read..."

Are you using a PC Jr??? The last time ANY PC came with so much as a pamphlet, I had just purchased my 100MHz desktop from Gateway. These days all you get is one DVD. No manual, no software disks, nothing. God I wish they came with some kind of documentation - there are times when I truly need it. But now, most PC's ship with a single restore DVD and that's it.

My Mac came with exactly fifteen pounds of user manual. In the interests of full disclosure, I also purchased the full production suite with Final Cut and DVD Studio pro. Fifteen pounds!!!

Mac: "I even talk to that new Japanese camera"

Really? REALLY? You mean you can find a camera from Japan that is compatible with a Mac??? Look, I'm exaggerating here a BIT, but PC computability is no longer an issue. With China bootlegging millions of copies of Microsoft XP, ALL (as in every single one) of the cameras produced in China are PC compatible. Nearly all of the cameras produced in Japan are PC friendly first then Mac friendly second, if ever. I'm not knocking the Mac in this regard but the fact is that Windows - for better or for worse has 90% market penetration worldwide and as such very few digital camera manufacturers are non-Microsoft compliant.

PC: "I had to restart. You know what it's like"
Mac: "No, actually I don't..."

Since the release of XP and OSX, neither system has issues with freezes or restarts. Macs are somewhat less reliable than they used to be with the inclusion of third-party internal components such as graphics cards and Windows boxes are now every bit as robust as Mac's running OSX. Sorry - this is an old claim and happily no longer true. Now if you want to talk about applications "quitting unexpectedly"...

PC: "Actually, the rest of me is in some other boxes..."

My G5 came in six boxes. What the hell is Apple saying here? Buy a laptop?

PC: "We network now - we're friends!"

No. You are most assuredly not friends. I network my Macs and PC's but they are not friends. They talk cordially. Macs will share files. But every Mac will not always see or move files to or from from every other machine on that network. Macs are at best finicky on a network. Ever try to share a Mac internal hard drive to a Windows OS or Unix?

Every claim that Apple has made in these spots is true about PC's running Windows 98. Every one. But in the interest of intellectual honesty, I have to conclude that Apple has finally "stooped" to "lying" in order to appeal to new consumers. At least with Windows, you already know that the product is essentially evil.

More Excuses

A new fresh hell has descended upon me. I'll be up at 6:00 am (yeah, I know...cushy life I lead when I complain about 6:00 am being early) for a shoot. Today, my green screen shoot went five hours long due to a toilet paper fire in Nashville. You may read that last line again. Every word is true. At any rate, the time scheduled for Vexxarr never happened.

So, after my shoot tomorrow, I have just enough time to post the next installment of Sploorfix: Tasty Snack before I leave town for a location shoot. Then, normal update for Sunday.

...and I'll throw in a little something nice for your patience...

Promise!

Working as we speak on your tastey, new comics!

Vexxarr will continue so long as I breathe. I'm going to the auto hospital to have them look at my car's CFC's and make them cool my meat pod at the expense of the poor flightless birds located on the Earth's poles. Whilst there, I shall draw two strips. Then, I think, a nap... Know what? I like this post so much I'm going to plunk it into Blogger and share it with the other meat pods.

I'm extremely punchy...can you tell?

It's 2am Tuesday morning...

I have a meeting in eight hours whereupon I present a DVD to my benefactors (those who provide cash for my soul). After that, I make TWO comics: one for Monday, the 26th and one for Wednesday the 28th. Late, I know but three a week. That's the deal. Soon, I'll get a week ahead. Soon, monkeys will...well...you know.

So hang in there for just a few more hours and I'll keep the divine covenant. An alien trinity, if you will.

thanks for your patients and see ya after a few hours sleep!

One Of Those Mondays...

I have a big project due Tuesday so:

1) I haven't and won't sleep until it is handed over.

2) My Diet Code Red consumption has tripled.

3) Vexxarr will update either this afternoon (Monday) or tonight (Monday)

Sorry for the lame last minute warning but I had hoped that I would be done by now. Alas, no. I have a Mac and as such, IT CRASHES! Those of you who know me know my position on this. Those of you who actually know who I am know WHY I have a position on Mac stability at all. And for those of you brainwashed by Apple propaganda let me stop your letters of outrage cold in their tracks. I offer you the following:

"The application Final Cut Pro has unexpectedly quit. Relaunch Yes/No?"

"File Error: Unknown File OK?" (clicking ok will delete the source file from the hard drive while simultaneously crashing the running application)

or my personal favorite

"General Error -39"

Folks, these are, in fact, crashes. They are common and frequent (depending on the version of OS X you are running) and unlike Windows XP, Apple actually takes time out of their busy day to lie to you about the cause and severity of these issues (Microsoft, by comparison, simply refuses to talk to you). And before you Mac Zombies chime in, My liquid cooled dual 2.5 Mac G5 is running to Apple spec. It's front end bus is fine. I have no pirated software installed. Apple built it in house to order. And not only can I duplicate my crashes on every G5 I have ever used, I can come to your house and re-create them there too if you wish.

Granted I'd rather purge my eyes with hot pokers than try to do my job with XP running Premiere Pro - but Mac instability is the actual reason it's taking so long to finish this job. I don't hate Macs, I've just gotten to the point where - for what I do - they are no more and no less stable than Windows 2000. I don't edit video on Windows and I don't transcode video formats on a Mac.

Now I need to get back to my Mac and lay down more voiceover.

Bleh.

See you guys later today!

New Comic Monday!

Only one this time. I don't owe you any.

I'm about to put up a link through which you will be able to purchase your very own glossy copy of any Vexxarr strip of your choice.

When you click the link, you'll be prompted to fill out a form with the date and name of the strip in question. You will even have the option of having me color (colour) the black and white strips for a modest fee. The result will be printed on 8" by 11" glossy card stock, gamma irradiated and blessed by a priest before being mailed to your dwelling.

The cost has yet to be set but I bet that - as my first commercial offering - it will be affordable to all. Even those of you who purchase pen and paper roll playing games (you think Xbox 360 games are expensive?) will have enough liquid funds to buy one of these.

Now whether the comic will be worth the price only history can decide.

A minor goof...

Friday's comic was mistakenly labeled Comic For Wed the 14th... Honestly, it was indeed the comic for Friday the 16th.

So far I'm on schedule again.

For my New readers, I want to stress that this comic will always update three times a week. If it's late, I'll double up my postings but the total of the postings will always be five (three, sir!). Right. Three!

This comic won't go Mr. Chuck on you guys...I swear!

So once again, Vexxarr updates three times weekly. I only miss when I have projects dropped in my lap suddenly and even then, I get three strips posted a week EVERY WEEK (check my archives if you don't believe me). The down side is that Wednesday's strip may not post - strictly speaking - ON WEDNESDAY. The upside is that unlike some folks I know (with a slightly higher readership), there will be a comic up for every single Monday, Wednesday and Friday until I die. Or the world ends.

Whichever.

More reliable schedule...

Or so I hope. I'm going to actually update M W and F instead of T Th and Sa as has been the recent trend. I guess if these new guys are going to "read" me I should at least "deliver" "content" "on time"...

Is the actual biblical definition of sloth having a webcomic and then not updating it?

What would Job's webcomic been like anyway? Probably a lot like Real Life actually... I mean Greg Dean is likely the only web cartoonist out there with a more hateful schedule than mine.

Welcome New Visitors - please come again!

All ELEVEN THOUSAND OF YOU.

I love you. I hate you. I don't want to see my bill this month. But whatever you do/say/think/feel/read/eat/masticate...do NOT go away. Vexxarr has been around about two years-ish and while I might be a tad late on my postin' I've never missed my three-a-week quota.

Never.

Never-ever.

When my computer and scanner died, I went to my office and use PC paint and Internet Exploder (v6) to download old comics, and manipulate them into brilliant new comics. That shall never happen again of course - partly because I have redundant PC's and scanners now (like six of each) ...and partly because it seemed readers like my cut and paste comics BETTER.

GRRR...

But I digress...

So if you like Vexxarr, I guarantee you will get three servings of green, alien goodness a week in perpetuity...or until I die.

Whichever comes first.

Notice I didn't say three funny servings a week. You hardly get that now.

My thanks out to A Miracle Of Science who seems to be the source of my new eyeball wealth. God GOD guys. Where do you keep 'em???

Two Strip Monday!

I picked up sudden and demanding work this week and was not in town to update Vexxarr.

Sorry...

But as per my promise so many months ago - there will be three strips for every week. So Sunday's strip will post Monday with (hold your breath) Monday's!

And...

Something extra...

(I hope I was able to make that 'extra' ooze the sort of sex and appeal it was meant to convey)

Is This The New Schedule?

It seems that I have become a Tu Th Sat comic recently. I assure you that this is not going to be the case. As is often the case, this has been a busy week. I have only managed to accomplish about a third of what I needed to accomplish and the week is suddenly over...

New Vexxarr tonight if I can squeeze any more blood from this turnip and I promise more Earth shattering revelations. Well, at least revelations that might cause a teacup to rattle...if you in fact rattled it.

Vigorously.

The sad thing is...I'm really enjoying this storyline. I like the Locutron especially.

New comic! Soon!

Just need to find three stinking seconds to get it uploaded! Everyone wants a piece of me!

AAARG!

It's ok...I just need another ten hours tacked onto my day.

Know anyone with a Tardis?

Two New Comics!

Enjoy!

The effort nearly killed me!

On the job...

But two new comics this afternoon!

And somewhat of a cliffhanger...

...somewhat...

No New Comic!

But it is on the way! (promise)

Some of you have noticed that I am pruning the site a bit. Well, back when this comic was slow to load...it was being hosted by a friend...in his basement...literally. Yes it was slow but it was free and I had unlimited bandwidth. Now I'm paying my way... One positive side effect is that Vexxarr loads very quickly now. The negative side effect is that you guys are shooting through my bandwidth like gangbusters.

So who's at fault?

Me.

Yes, me. Because I didn't previously have bandwidth restrictions my original design was rather 'top heavy'. So what can I do? Well I can start by shrinking the file size of every element of this site. I sure as heck don't want you guys page loading Vexxarr any less often. The goal would be to rebuild a site which can be loaded three times as often at half the bandwidth. Scott Kurtz predicted this very trap - your online success could be your downfall.

So I've pruned for the moment all my 'excess reload areas' and I'll bring them all back online one at a time as I get a sense of where my bandwidth is leaking. In the mean time, expect three comics a week. At least one additional snarky comment from me and a totally new design this Summer (or winter for you dudes down under). If you miss being able to get my goat...why not EMAIL me. That link isn't up there for my health, you know!

So bare with me and I'll keep the comic moving along...on a shoestring...

New Comic - New Cause!

Not that I want to let up the pressure on Pepsi or anything but I have a good cause for you.

Like the internet? Want to see it around in five years...at least as we know it and love it today..?

Then read this. Read this as well but don't believe a word of it. It seems that big business wants to charge duties in addition to existing online fees to on line vendors like (just by way of example) Amazon or Walmart or Apple iTunes. What's the big deal? Anyone who doesn't pay these ad hock fees may not show up in your google searches. In fact, you may not be able to get to them at all. Eventually, new legislation could allow service providers the ability to control who you visit online and which vendors can sell to you. Sound like a nightmare scenario? It is. Read on...

At the very least call Bell South (404-249-2000) and tell them what Bastards you think that they are. Well, tell them that they are, in fact, Bastards AND that you are aware of this fact.

I did.

I got a call from a legal representative who wanted to state their case in Net Neutrality.

HA!

I told him that I'd love to talk but 8:15am was way to damn early to discuss the subject with any clarity. I'll talk to him next week. He said he'd call back. I'll keep you posted.

Oh, and write your congressman or representative or whatever.

New comic!

...and this may or may not exist, as it were, in the realm of canon.

But enjoy it none the less.

Have you bought your last case of Diet Code Red?

Have you written and asked for more?

WHY NOT?!

Old Star Wars out on New DVD!

The original Star Wars Trilogy - unaltered - will be out on DVD!

And Scott Kurtz is just sick of it. Who can blame him? He feels like Lucasfilm slowly leaks these products out to the market in an effort to grab all the cash that they can. He is right. Everyone does. How many versions of The Lord Of The Rings do you own? I have three versions of the Fellowship Of The Ring alone.

But this time I think it's different. This time I think Lucas miscalculated. This time I think George may have actually gone back on a promise he made to himself. We clamored for this release and he fought us every step of the way. Whether his motivations were ultimately greed or concession, it doesn't matter. This time I think that George Lucas changed his mind...

The email I sent Scott Kurtz at PVP in my rants section. You may read it if you wish. Or you can hold out for the original when it comes out on DVD too...

Welcome to RocketHost.Net

My previous host ran into some family issues and it became necessary to move to a new host. The only visible change should be the new if somewhat lackluster splash page. If you have gotten to my main page this means that the splash page was not much of an obstacle.

What's going on is that I have to use an "index.html" as my index file so my usual "index.php" is linked directly from the index.html. If I can get the code for a simple redirect, the splash page will shortly go away.

Anyone know of a good auto redirect that works in html?

And as noted above...this is MONDAY'S comic. WEDNESDAY'S will be posted after I get a little sleep. ...And possibly cake.

Computer Issues

Due to computer issues last night, I will have to post Vexxarr tonight...

I'm sorry. It is funny and continues along the cake theme...sort of.

Anyway, I'm off to another freelance experience and will post the completed comic upon my return this evening.

In the mean time, I have the process used to create helium for your edification and reading pleasure...

Yes, an act of utter desperation.

The Mighty 200 !

Yes, today marks, by my counting, the 200th strip. Many of you may go back through the archives and point out that this is actually the 202nd or the 199th or even the 10^104th or some nonsense but it's my strip and as I number the text files that mark the dialog, I'm up to 200.

So this marks the official 200th strip of Vexxarr!

A celebration is in order. So in celebration, please contact Buffalo Rock and tell them that my supply of Diet Code Red is running low. As I calculate my stockpile, I have one month of life left on this plane of reality.

But seriously.

To celebrate, I have scheduled a two month hiatus - so you guys can take a break from my terrible, terrible comic...

...no...

But REALLY seriously.

I have prints in the works. Two miniposter sized prints (approximately 12" x 24" glossy color) are in the works. One is a cutaway view of Vexxarr's ship and hyperdrive sabot. The other is Bleen anatomy. That's right, soon you will learn to know your flam.

I'll make quantities and prices available soon. And don't give up on those T's yet...

Delays Excuses and one measly comic...

Sorry for the late post...but procrastination, a delayed shoot and a nasty computer virus conspired against me.

First of all Media Motor - they claim to be an internet advertising entity. They are criminals. These people have a DirectX drive-by that is unremovable. Fortunately it only infects Internet Explorer while I use Firefox. Still the only solution that I can find is a full and absolute hard drive wipe and Windows reinstall.

But for more important matters: Diet Code Red

What have you done for me today?


Buffalo Rock Sales of Birmingham, Alabama: (205) 940 9799

And how to reach them:

Physical Address

111 Oxmoor Road
Birmingham, Alabama 35209
Need Directions? Click here!

Mailing Address

Buffalo Rock Company
P.O. Box 10048
Birmingham, Alabama 35202

Or as a last resort...

Red Alert!

Diet Code Red has been discontinued by the Buffalo Rock Bottling company!

You know what this means...

My life is now only as good as the number of cans of this life-giving elixir left in the state of Alabama.

So.

IF you want more Vexxarr.

And...

IF you want ME to draw THEM.

YOU...

...must beg, cajole, force, convince, trick or otherwise influence Buffalo Rock to continue producing my brain fuel.

Some of you may consider this to be an unfair ultimatum for my readers and fans but...as I see it...if you can't abuse your position of influence...why get up in the morning?

Here's how to help:


Buffalo Rock Sales of Birmingham, Alabama: (205) 940 9799

A list of their management and Robber Baron executives

And how to reach them:

Physical Address

111 Oxmoor Road
Birmingham, Alabama 35209
Need Directions? Click here!

Mailing Address

Buffalo Rock Company
P.O. Box 10048
Birmingham, Alabama 35202

Or as a last resort...

What are you staring at this text box for?

RUN!

Double Wednesday!

Half the fun!!!

Thought I'd build a little perspective into the noodley psych of our beloved Sploorfix (the eye-stalk-thingy). His motivation has been somewhat a source of frustration for me. I figure he (it) has a mixture of Stockholm syndrome and hero worship. Not that Sploorfix is a hostage...he's (it's)...actually more of a political refugee. He and Vexxarr are both pawns of their respective higher authorities (higher being an extremely relative value). That commonality will be expanded upon in the near future.

Until then, silliness.

And possibly even after...

No Update for Monday.

Vexxarr will be back Tuesday evening with two strips for Wednesday!

I wound up working all weekend (and I mean ALL weekend) hence, Monday's strip will be late. But rest assured that when Wednesday rolls around the front page will have two strips as is becoming my habit.

I'd try to ply your sad hearts with promises of color...but I think that they will all be in color from now on.

I like seeing the green in Vexxarr's complexion...it makes me giddy with joy.

NEW VEXXARR !

And it's still MONDAY!

Imagine that...

Also, I've run into the Dihydrogen Monoxide hoax again. It purports to show that Americans are so woefully ignorant of their basic chemistry education that they don't even know the name for water when they hear it (or read it as is the case for the internet hoax). Who can blame them...since Dihydrogen Monoxide isn't really the common scientific name for water. I was always partial to hydrogen hydroxide in chemistry but there are others.

So...color from now on??? Hmmm...?